Red Flags for Abusive Relationships

The following is a list of warning signs for potentially abusive relationships. They are presented as guidelines and cues to pay attention to, not as a judgment on the worth of the other person.

Question relationships with partners who:

• abuse alcohol or other drugs.

• have a history of trouble with the law, gets into fights, or break and destroy property.

• don’t work or go to school.

• abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets.

• put down people, including your family and friends, or call them names excessively.

• are always angry at someone or something.

• try to isolate you and control who you see or where you go.

• nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to.

• cheat on you or have lots of partners.

• are physically rough with you (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain).

• take your money or take advantage of you in other ways.

• accuse you of flirting or “coming on” to others or accuse you of cheating on them.

• don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings…things always have to be done their way.

• ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.

• lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days.

• “check out” or make lewd comments about others in your presence.

• blame all arguments and problems on you.

• tell you how to dress or act.

• threaten suicide if you break up with them.

• experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.

• tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly).

• compare you to former partners or excessively bad mouth former partners.

Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

• you feel afraid to break up with them.

• you feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in.

• you feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad.

• you tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.

• you find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.

• you find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.

• you find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse over time.